I was in San Francisco for 5 days and am still catching up on groceries, sleep, and just like everything. Here:
(For something perhaps more substantial, check out Jen and the other ladies (and gents!)
I had a guest blog post on Veil of Chastity. Thanks Cindy! If you’re single and over 25, this post is probably for you. If single and under 25, yeah still applies, or is good forewarning. I only have the advice I do to not do something because I did it in my early 20s and learned the hard way it doesn’t work.
This post by The Evangelista is UH_MAZE_ING. Seriously, go click open in a new tab and read. I’ll wait.
Wasn’t that great? And did you see the comment from Jonathan (first under “Best” filter)? go look again. I am always a fan of “when in doubt, just ask a guy.” Your brother, close cousin, good friend will almost always give you the plain, simple truth about a smidgen of their male brain, which is so, so different from the mind of a female.
My take on “guarding your heart” and emotional chastity: every relationship is different. So in some you’ll get to a place where you can feel totally free, open, and honest earlier than in others. You should always strive to be these things in relationships that may lead to marriage. If you are still withholding, even during engagement, what you’ve kept locked up, held back, or even lied about could make for a very unhappy first years of marriage (I think). The key is a gradual building to this phase of relationship: the Pure in Heart group I belonged to used the metaphor of an onion: peel back layer by layer the core of your heart. This might look like: not revealing your entire life story to the guy you just met on retreat, giving general statements about a personal issue or event until trust and communication deepens and you fill out some details, piece by piece. As with everything in relationship, the guy should be reciprocating. He should be encouraged to be free, open, and honest with you, too. Finally, don’t necessarily follow hard and fast rules like “never take a long road trip together until waay waay down the road” or “don’t have a quiet dinner at someone’s place within X number of dates/months.” YOU ARE ADULTS. You are being formed in Christ. if you can trust yourself to set boundaries or read the riot act if a guy wants to violate them, then treat such proclamations as guidelines.
This post also taught me the word “frelationship.” Yes, that is very close to what has been going on with me. I haven’t decided yet if I’m cutting him out…it’s different and easier for me because he’s so far away, and I now feel strong enough to set boundaries and see how that plays out in our friendship.
Update on the guy who canceled last week’s date: Thanks for all the advice. He sent a message back, but so far the correspondence since then has reverted from phone to the site’s email system, and since his messages had all the character of a Tweet or text, I kept my 2 responses brief and light, with one kind of subtle but maybe not hint that we should get together as originally intended. We’ll see what he does next. But I’m not holding my breath because…
I have another date (with someone else scheduled! The feeling I get during our communication isn’t the same as with the other guy, but at least he has follow through. We’ll see if his over-chattiness, repetition, and persistent need to joke is just nerves or really just his character. If so, then I don’t think it will work in the long run. There’s a third guy who is shy and has yet to suggest meeting up (but he is the farthest away, about a 3-hour drive), but I get the sense he is more spiritually compatible than the other two.
Can’t I just have the best attributes of all three rolled into one? Too much to ask?